Sarah Palin was at three events Saturday in Florida to appeal to evangelical voters. She helps conservative candidates all over the South. While there, she picked up the endorsement of Unplanned Parenthood.
Sarah Palin takes 6 minute phone call from pranksters pretending to be French Pres. Sarkozy. Doesn't catch on when hoaxter
tells her "I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun". Hear the phone call and voice your opinion on SodaHead > Palin goes rogue and other
political cartoons
"Alaska's largest newspaper has endorsed Barack Obama despite the fact that their governor is Sarah Palin. Luckily for Palin, it's one of the 500 newspapers she doesn't read." --Conan O'Brien
"Sarah Palin is taking heat because the Republican National Committee has so far spent $150,000 on wardrobe for her and her family. She spent $50,000 at Saks Fifth Avenue, $75,000 at Neiman Marcus and about $5,000 on hair and makeup. Hey, representing small town, common-folk hockey moms isn’t cheap, folks.” –Jimmy Kimmel
"It turns out the highest paid person in the McCain campaign, not the campaign manager, not the pollsters -- Palin's makeup artist. I'm not kidding. She flies to every city where Palin appears. And McCain, he just gets the local gal who does the funeral home. It's not as bad as it sounds. The makeup girl is also Palin's top foreign policy adviser." --Bill Maher
"Some good news for Sarah Palin: she has been cleared in that Troopergate scandal. You know who cleared her? Sarah Palin. Before lawmakers in Alaska released their report on this Troopergate scandal, Sarah Palin's campaign released the results of their own campaign clearing her of any wrongdoing. Thank God we cleared that up. Actually, I think it's legitimate, because apparently Palin can see the courthouse from her front porch, so obviously she's a lawyer." --Jay Leno
"Are you excited about Sarah Palin? Well, yesterday she referred to Afghanistan as our neighboring country. Apparently, she can see bin Laden's cave from her house." --David Letterman
"In Boca Raton, Florida, yesterday, a woman who looked like Sarah Palin caused a near riot when she walked into a diner for breakfast. And after a minute or two, people finally realized it wasn't her when she started answering questions." --Jay Leno
“Sarah Palin. We like Sarah Palin, right? She’s a lot of fun. Miss Alaska. She is saying that she doesn’t know who Barack Obama really is. Doesn’t know who Barack Obama is. That’s interesting. She also doesn’t know who Sarkozy is, Gordon Brown, Kim Jong-il, Hugo Chavez, Vladimir Putin, Osama Bin Laden, the list goes on and on.”
— David Letterman
John McCain dumps Sarah Palin : Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher takes VP slot
"He has extensive foreign policy experience (he dated a polish girl for three years then spent 4 nights drinking in Windsor Ontario with friends after a nasty break up.)"
Unconfirmed Sources >
Why I'd be a better VP than Sarah Palin (Or, The Bridge to New Zealand)
By Rosanne Cash
"Like the Governor, I now also believe that my will is perfectly aligned with God's will. When Governor Palin said that it was God's will for the Alaska pipeline to be built and asked for people to pray for that to happen, I was really inspired by her confidence in the absolute, seamless integration of her will and God's will. I have begun practicing this kind of supreme confidence on a smaller scale, but I am sure that I can quickly move to national issues. Starting with the sartorial, I know that it is God's will that I have the entire Chanel collection for the fall season, including those adorable high-heeled booties that were all over the runway shows."
Read the whole essay >
Sarah Palin: Shhhsh! My Secret Plan to Become President!!
It's easy to be President!
It just takes common sense.
Got too many Mexicans?
Just build a higher fence!
Our schools will teach the truth
About creation of mankind.
And when it comes to Sex Ed,
Every Child Left Behind!
"...if you think that Washington lobbyists who are working day and night to elect John McCain are doing it to put themselves out of business,” [Barack Obama] said in Newport News, Va. on Saturday, "well, I’ve got a bridge in Alaska to sell you."
Tina Fey being "mavericky" as Palin in the debate
Tina Fey reprises Palin's Couric interview on SNL
I showed the SNL send up of the Palin/Couric interview to my girlfriend...She said it was a little mean. Then I showed her the actual interview.
She sat and watched it–increasingly wide-eyed with disbelief.
And finally said "Oh my God–it wasn’t a joke–it was true."
— a comment by Don Duval in a NY Times blog
"God made dinosaurs 4,000 years ago as ultimately flawed creatures, lizards of Satan really, so when they died and became petroleum products we, made in his perfect image, could use them in our pickup trucks, snow machines and fishing boats."
An email that's been going around
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Sarah Palin and her bid to be a heartbeat away from being President.
The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle.'
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.
The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.'
The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain : 'You know she didn't get up there by herself, she doesn't belong up there, she doesn't know what to do while she is up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put her up there to begin with.'
Sarah Palin: Moose Killer
Sarah Palin: How many igloos does she own?
Sen. John McCain has selected Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his vice presidential running mate. Other than the fact that few have ever heard of her, the biggest question: How many igloos does she own?
Despite being a virtual unknown, Palin's chief qualification is her status as what is known in GOP political circles as "a woman."
Eleventh-hour negotiations with former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney broke down at the last minute despite Romney's offer to get a sex change if that would help the GOP cause.
"Do you know the difference between me and a Hockey Mom who has forgot her lipstick?
A dog collar.
Do you know the difference between me and a dog collar smeared with lipstick?
Not a damn thing.
We are essentially wired identical...
I hate Élites. Which is why, whenever I am having brain surgery, or eye surgery, which is sometimes necessary due to all my non-blinking, I always hire some random Regular guy..."
Rumors Swirl Around Palin >
"An evening-gown-clad Palin personally drilled a clumsy but functional oil well during the talent portion of the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant"
The SNL Parody (in case you haven't seen it)
"I can see Russia from my house"
"John McCain and Sarah Palin attended a campaign rally in Vienna, Ohio, today...Apparently, they went to Vienna so Sarah Palin could get some foreign policy experience." --Jay Leno
Not only can [Palin] shoot a lawyer in the face, she can field dress him as well." --Jay Leno
This medication is for use in older men who have lost the ability to arouse interest or credibility, or who may be unable to maintain an election. Its effectiveness is short-lived. Repeated doses are not recommended. Women should not take or handle this drug, as it may reduce their freedoms.
Approval from FDA: Granted without any testing whatsoever to prop up the failing McClaim Industries. There is no warranty, expressed or implied, as to the actions of this medication. However, the pill was found to be visually attractive to casual observers.
CONTRAINDICATIONS:
Do not take if you have:
A Heart
A Brain
Avoid contact with clothing, hair, or values.
WARNING: If you experience any of the following serious side effects, stop taking and seek emergency mental attention:
closing of your throat; swelling of your lips or tongue, such that you cannot speak out.
numbness, pain, or weakness of your arms, legs, face or economy.
difficulty breathing; persistent sighing.
Recurring buzz in your ears during news hour.
irregular or very fast heartbeats; cold sweats.
persistent dizziness or lightheadedness when considering polar bears.
fainting or feeling overwhelmed with disbelief.
water retention or weight gain; over-eating due to worry.
nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, or a decreased appetite due to global concern.
a noxious oozing rash, commonly known as Poison-Palin.
Fatigue from extended incredulity.
Dry mouth, parched soul.
Constipation, which may be severe.
– Talk to your doctor about entertaining liberal thinking to prevent this.
– Make sure you drink enough fluids and practice rational values. Most adults should think between 8 and 10 kind responsible thoughts per day.
SPECIAL HAZARDS TO WOMEN:
Breast tenderness, accompanied by bouts of crying over spilled milk.
Difficulty ululating.
Loss of consciousness, rights, or literacy.
Unwanted family pregnancy.
Temporary inanity.
Increased hair growth between the eyes.
HAZARDS TO WILDLIFE: If accidentally or intentionally introduced into the remaining natural-habitat populations, the following may be expected:
Flat-lining with black oily discharge.
Random buckshot to the face.
Failure to thrive.
Dislocation or disappearance, which may not be noticed by the majority of human subjects.
NOTE: May affect your balance, coordination, and your ability to think. Do not drive or operate any type of voting equipment under the influence of this drug.
Side effects other than those listed here may also occur. Talk to your doctor if you have thoughts of voting McCain-Palin.
if you feel you can't support the Obama campaign financially, may I suggest the following fiendishly brilliant alternative?
Make a donation to Planned Parenthood. In Sarah Palin's name. And here's the good part: when you make a donation to PP in her name, they'll send her a card telling her that the donation has been made in her honor. Here's the link to the Planned Parenthood
website: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/
You'll need to fill in the address to let PP know where to send the "in Sarah Palin's honor" card. I suggest you use the address for the McCain campaign headquarters, which is:
McCain for President
1235 S. Clark Street 1st Floor
Arlington , VA 22202
John McCain has now made a real blunder
that is making the whole country wonder,
Palin best pick?
This chick from the sticks,
to lead us when he's six feet under?
Palin has dropped quite a whopper,
her teen has got one in the hopper.
Sarah has said,
"Just say No," to Sex Ed,
Can someone please haul off and bop her?
Please send your humor suggestions to webmaster@womenagainstsarahpalin.org
